Narrator: Today on Samurai Pizza Cats…
Dash: EVOLUTIONS! (Slashes screen in half horizontally)
Narrator: Dash returns to the planet Solaar and learns of a powerful artifact known as the Sword of the Phoenix which can activate a “hyper mode” if used with his armor
Solarian Elder: If it were to fall into the wrong hands…the planet could be in grave danger.
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in Little Tokyo, the Big Cheese may finally have the Pizza Cats numbered with his latest robot. Will he finally succeed in taking over Little Tokyo? Will Dash return in time to help them? Find out on Samurai Pizza Cats: EVOLUTIONS!
Title: Rising From the Ashes Pt. 1
Narrator: Normally, I would start the episode with some random banter about how wonderful Little Tokyo is, but not today. Apparently there is a clause in the writers' contract that allows for them to write at least one episode that doesn't begin in Little Tokyo. With that in mind we head off into space where we find a little planet not far from the sun called Solaar. As we zoom in we see beautiful landscape, and if we zoom in even further we find our friend Dash talking with some of the planet's inhabitants.
Dash: Wow, this place is even better than the last time I was here.
Solarian: We have been working very hard to rebuild the planet since you left, o great one.
Dash: that's good to know. Oh. And please don't call me “O Great One” anymore.
Solarian: Yes, o great one.
Dash (rolls eyes): Oh brother…
Narrator: We leave Dash for now and return to Little Tokyo where we find Francine in a bit of a pickle…
Francine: WHERE IS THAT DASH????? That boy hasn't reported to work in 3 months! When I see that kid again, he is going to be in for a world of hurt!
Guido: Hey Fran, maybe he has had some personal stuff to deal with.
Fran (turns to Guido): HE IS STILL SUPPOSED TO COME TO WORK!!!!!!!
Guido (thinking): Man, she needs a vacation…
Narrator: Meanwhile, Speedy and Good Bird are in one of their daily little competitions
Speedy: Ha-ha, GB, you'll never beat me. I've always been the fastest delivery person. Not to mention I get bigger tips
GB: Yeah usually “GET A LIFE!” (Chuckles)
Speedy: Very funny. Last one back to the shop buys lunch, and I'm a big eater (races off)
GB: Hey come back here! (Flies after him)
Narrator: Those two will never change… Polly is back at the shop waiting for the lunch rush
Polly (thinking): Hmm, I wonder where Dash is. He disappeared awful quickly before the last battle.
Narrator: The Pizza Cats aren't the only one's busy right now though.
Big Cheese: I am so sick and tired of losing to those Pizza Cats.
Jerry Atrick: I'm sorry boss. But it's an unwritten rule. Good wins, bad loses
Big Cheese: BUT I WANT TO WIN JUST ONCE!!! (Cries)
Jerry: There now Cheesy, I'm sure you will one day.
Big Cheese: (calms down) I hope so too. (Light bulb comes on) I want you to make me the biggest strongest robot ever, one that not even the SPC can defeat.
Jerry: Uhh boss, you've asked me to do that before and the Pizza Cats still win.
Big Cheese: I don't care! BUILD IT NOW!!!
Jerry: You got it boss
Narrator: Uh-oh, Cheese may have finally gone off the deep end with this one. Meanwhile, back on planet Solaar…
Solarian Elder: Great One…
Elder: We have brought you here to send you on another quest…
Dash: Another one? Man, that last one you sent me on almost killed me!
Elder: Yes, but you showed yourself worthy to be the bearer of the legendary armor. Now, there is an ancient sword, also used by the warrior who used that armor known as the Sword of the Phoenix. When used, it gives the bearer unimaginable power. For the wearer of this armor, it activates a “hyper mode” which will make you powerful beyond anything ever seen.
Dash (thinking): Man, you can get even MORE powerful? Dude, this is going to be killer on the special effects budget (to Elder) I will accept your quest. (Extends umbrella)
Narrator: And now prepare to witness one of the coolest transformation sequences in the short history of this program…
Dash: BY THE POWER OF LIGHT! (Transforms into battle armor)
Elder: Good luck, o great one… Oh and one more thing.
Elder: If it were to fall into the wrong hands…the planet could be in grave danger.
Dash: I will make sure that doesn't happen (exits)
Narrator: With that, Dash goes off on his quest. And now, thanks to the magic of television, we head back to check on the Samurai Pizza Cats, who aren't the only one's concerned about our young charge…
Francine: Pizza Cat Pizza where… (Pulls phone about 6 inches away from ear as person on the other end yells) Mrs. St. Pierre, I don't know where Dash is, he disappeared sometime yesterday (Continued yelling) Look, we will do our very best to find him. (Phone chatter) Yes ma'am. (More phone chatter) Yes we will call you when we find him. Uh-huh. Bye. (Hangs up) Man, looks like Dash isn't at home either. It looks like we will have to do without him for now. (Emergency alarm goes off) Its Big Al!
Narrator: Just as Francine predicted, it was Big Al Dente who appeared on the screen.
Big Al: Pizza Cats, Big Cheese has unleashed another massive and powerful robot on the city.
Francine: Should have figured. When will he learn…?
(Pizza Cats jump into their ovens)
Francine (over loudspeaker): Hang on everyone to your hats as we launch the Samurai Pizza Cats. If you aren't standing behind the white line then your ears certainly won't be feeling very fine. (To herself) And away we go! (Fires three shots)
Narrator: As the Pizza Cats are launched we see a familiar pair of faces
Junior: Mama, why don't the Samurai Pizza Cats take the bus when they go save the day?
Mama-san (as they fly over): Because that way is so much cheaper!
Narrator: And with that the Samurai Pizza Cats go off to save the citizens of Little Tokyo once again.
Speedy (as they are flying along): Well, Francine's birthday is coming up so what should we get her?
Guido (Sees they are about to hit a tree): How about some cannon firing lessons (The others look and see the tree and scream as they plow into it headfirst.)
Narrator: After recovering from their latest crash, the Pizza Cats go about finding this new robot.
Guido: Finding the robot won't be too hard, I hope. (A large foot stomps on the ground next to him)
Speedy (jumps back): Apparently he found us!
Jerry Atrick: Alright you cats! This is the end of the line!
Guido (thinking): Rats, we didn't even get to do our corny intro this time.
Jerry: Ninja Crows, ATTACK!!!
Narrator: And with that, the usual fight scene ensues. The writers wanted to save time so we cut to the end after the ninja crows have been defeated once again.
Jerry: Well Pizza Cats, time to meet your doom! (The Robot reappears and tries to step on the cats, but they jump out of the way)
Speedy: Well, time to do what we always do! (Unsheathes sword)
Polly: Let's see how you handle the power of love! (Throws heart explosives at it)
Guido: Hope you don't burn easily! (Fires his umbrella at it)
Narrator: After the smoke cleared from the two attacks, the robot stood there, unscathed.
Guido and Polly: WHAT THE…
Speedy: Let me handle this.
Narrator: And yes with that little piece of banter we now can see the power and might that is the Magical Ginzu Sword!
Speedy: (Powers up Cat's Eye Slash) Hope you like your bird extra crispy…HEEYAH! (Slashes at the robot but it merely bounced off) HUH???
Narrator: What's this? Big Cheese has made a robot that can't be destroyed by Speedy's signature attack? This doesn't look good for our heroes
Jerry: HAHA!! See this robot has been built to withstand all of your attacks! Now you get to see what it can do
Narrator: Oh no! What cruel evil, effects budget busting things have they come up with!
(A pair of cannons fire at the Pizza Cats knocking them all to the ground). Well that wasn't all that impressive!
Jerry: Yes, but it sure was effective. Look.
Speedy: Man, what a fine time for the Rescue Team to be on vacation. (Collapses with the others)
Speedy: I know the Rescue Team is on vacation, but we need help (rings cat bell)
Francine (thinking) finally… I only got a few lines in the last episode (To video screen) let’s hope they answer (Screen says, dialing…) Come on…
Narrator: Finally, after trying for almost an hour… (General Catton appears)
Francine: WHEW! Am I glad to see you! The Pizza Cats are in trouble
General Catton: I know we are on vacation, but we’re on our way! (Calls off screen) Hey guys, they need us back in LT, LETS MOVE OUT! (Met with grumbles as they all pack up and video screen shuts off).
Speedy: Let’s hope help arrives soon, I don’t know how much more damage I can take (passes out)
General Catton: Here comes the cavalry!
Spritz: I hope Big Cheese has some WD-40!
Meowzma: I hope he’s been to a dentist because Im going to drill him!
Bat Cat: He’s gonna be blown away when Im done!
Narrator: That was one of the corniest intros I have ever heard
Catton: Hey, it’s the best the writers could come up with on short notice
Narrator: Oh brother… Just get that robot!
Meowzma: You don’t have to tell me twice! (Rushes toward the robot but it grabs him by the arm and throws him aside)
Bat Cat: My turn! (Flies over the robot but two missiles come out from its chest and knock him out of the sky)
Spritz: I’ll take him! (Looks around for water source) Oh no! (The robot swats him out of the way and he collides with Catton)
Narrator: Oh no! Not even the Rescue Team could defeat this monstrosity! This really DOES look like the end of the Samurai Pizza Cats. I was just about to renew my contract too. Meanwhile…
(Scene shifts back to planet Solaar)
Dash: Man, this place is dark. Good thing I have a light mounted to my helmet. (He comes to this door with an inscription on it) Only a great warrior with a pure and honorable heart will be allowed to open this door. Please insert sword here. (Inserts sword)
Narrator: Well that was… (The room begins to shake and the door begins to open)
Dash (enters room): Wow… this is unbelievable.
Mystery voice: Are you the one they call “The Cross”
Dash: Uhh, yeah. Who wants to know?
Voice: I am the spirit of the great warrior who once owned the Sword of the Phoenix. You have been chosen to be its new bearer. You must now prove yourself worthy of this responsibility.
Dash (in fighting pose): Well bring it on… (A mysterious warrior figure appears)
Mystery Warrior: Many have tried to defeat me. I bet you are no different
Dash: I guess we better find out then. (Charges at the mystery warrior and does a vertical slash which the warrior blocks)
Warrior (pushes Dash back): Is that the best you’ve got?
Dash: You’d be surprised
Narrator: They continued like this for a very long time until finally…
Dash: CYCLONE KICK! (Does a flip kick and hits the warrior squarely in the chin knocking him back)
Warrior (picks himself up): You are truly worthy of the power of the Sword of the Phoenix. Come and receive your reward
Narrator: So Dash went over, and grabbed the sword and soon he was surrounded by a great flame. Soon his armor turned from Black and orange to purple and yellow. In the interest of time basically, his armor looked like the rest of the Pizza Cats armor only a different color.
Dash: WOW! This is unbelievable!
Narrator: So Dash walked out of the cave and was met by a group of Solarians who were admiring his new armor, when one of the elders approached
Solarian Elder: You have completed your quest. Oh and Dash…
Elder: It is ok if you tell your friends about your powers. Now go! Your friends need you!
Narrator: Dash smiled at the elder, and with that he was teleported back to Little Tokyo in front of the shop. As he approaches, he powers down to his regular armor
Solarian Elder (telepathically): If you wish to activate your hyper mode, simply point your sword to the sky and say, “hyper mode ACTIVATE!”
Francine (sees him walk in): THERE YOU ARE! YOU REALIZE THAT YOU HAD A LOT OF PEOPLE WORRIED ABOUT YOU!
Dash: Sorry, I had some personal things to take care of
Francine (now holding frying pan): I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. It seems that every single time the rest of the cats go off on a mission, you disappear. What’s with you anyway?
Dash (clears his throat): Well, I have super powers just like the SPC.
Francine: REALLY? Go on…
Dash: But my armor isn’t the same as theirs. I was transported to an alien planet not far from the sun called Solaar. The armor once belonged to a legendary warrior that had saved that planet from being destroyed by an evil alien race many years ago. Apparently I was their, “chosen one” asked to defend the planet from another alien race. So I put on the armor and helped them. I overheard you talking to Big Al one day and found out about you guys being the Samurai Pizza Cats
Francine: (gulp) you…found…out? (Anime sweat drop)
Dash: yeah, but your secret’s safe with me. Besides, the producers would have nuked my contract if I told anybody about you guys.
Francine: WHEW! (Wipes sweat drop off)
Dash: Anyway, so I decided I could help you guys out. That’s the “cliff notes” version of the story. I hope you’re not upset
Francine: Upset? Im not upset about that…
I’M UPSET YOU DIDN’T TELL ME SOONER!!!
Dash (On the ground with a red face): That went well… (Slumps to the ground)
Francine: Ok, let’s do this. How would you like to become a full fledged member of the SPC?
Dash (jumps up): WOULD I???
Francine: Ok. Hop in one of those ovens and let me launch you to the others
Dash: YOU GOT IT! Hey, could you give me a sec
Francine: Oh sure.
Dash: (extends umbrella) BY THE POWER OF LIGHT! (Transforms into battle armor)
Francine: WOW! That’s pretty cool. Now get out there!
Dash: You got it! (Jumps into an oven)
Francine (over loudspeaker): We’re about to launch a brand new cat, who already knows just where it’s at. So stand folks and cover your ears, but when he’s off lets hear some cheers! (To herself) Kaboom!
Narrator: So Dash is on his way to help save the day (Man somebody needs to talk to the writers about some of this dialogue)
Dash (thinking): Wow, Im a Pizza Cat. Grams will never believe this. (Turns and sees he is about to hit a tree) and she probably won’t believe my injuries either. YAHHHHH!! (Crashes into tree) I hope I get a decent life insurance policy next time.
Narrator: Contract issues aside, Dash quickly found the battle area where his friends were not looking all that good.
Guido: Hey, who’s that?
Polly: Whoever that is, he looks pretty nice.
Dash: Hey, big metal and ugly! Over here! (Robot turns and faces him)
Narrator: Let’s hope he knows what he is getting himself into.
(Dash and the robot fight, neither getting the upper hand. Dash hits the robot with a Solar Shot which staggers it.)
Dash: Man, this thing is tough. Time to pump up the power (extends sword to the sky) HYPER MODE ACTIVATE! (P.O.D’s “Satellite” plays in the background while Dash transforms into his hyper armor)
Narrator: Well, I hope the producers can afford this
Dash: Don’t worry, it won’t be every episode
Dash: Now, let’s finish this.
Narrator: And now we get to witness the power of, not the Magical Ginzu Sword (which the beginning of Dash’s finisher looks a lot like since the producers wanted to save money), the awe inspiring “Sword of the Phoenix” (Dash rises into the air and takes out his twin swords which light on fire. He then begins to spin around and his whole body becomes engulfed in fire. The fire takes on the shape of a phoenix around him) RISE OF THE PHOENIX! (He flies straight through his opponent swords extended).
(The robot explodes into a million nuts and bolts)
Big Cheese: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I WAS SO CLOSE! (Turns red)
Jerry: Sir… Do you remember your anger management exercises? (Explodes) I guess not… (Coughs up a puff of smoke)
Narrator: As the smoke clears, we find our newest hero lying on the ground barely conscious
Speedy (who has come to by this point): Man that was an impressive light show there; let’s see who you are under that thing? (Takes helmet off)
Speedy: Let’s get him back to the emporium. He can explain when he wakes up
Narrator: Thanks to the magic of television we find ourselves back at the Pizza Cat later in the day and Dash is finishing telling his story
Dash: Well that’s what happened
Speedy: Man, looks like Im not the only one getting angry letters from the special effects department now.
GB: Hey guys, I got a little lost on a delivery. Did I miss much?