Narrator: Today on Samurai Pizza Cats…

Dash: EVOLUTIONS! (Strikes cross pose and a light flashes) Hey guys it’s my first Christmas on Little Tokyo. I’m looking forward to being with my family and of course to the staff Christmas party! But Big Cheese tries to play like Ebenezer Scrooge and ruin the holiday for everybody. How? By creating a robot that is capable of starting an avalanche that could destroy the city! Will he finally succeed? Will the Pizza Cats be able to stop him? Who the heck is this new guy?? Find out in “Christmas Cat-astrophe” next on SPC: Evolutions! 

(Theme song) 

Narrator: Its Christmas time in Little Tokyo. There is snow on the ground and a feeling of Christmas in the air. Even the Pizza Cat has been bitten by the Christmas bug. 

(Phone rings)

Francine: Pizza Cat Emporium where… (Phone chatter) Uh-huh, uh-huh, ok, yeah, alright, it’ll be there before you know it. Merry Christmas! (Hangs up) Hey Speedy, could you run this meat lover’s special cross town?

Speedy: Not a problem Francine! (I hope she remembered our Christmas bonus this year)

Dash: (thinking) Wow, my first Christmas. Man, this is going to be great! I found the perfect gift for Grams. And the others will love the gifts I got them at the staff Christmas party tomorrow!

Narrator: Looks like everybody is in the Christmas spirit (switches to the palace) well, maybe not everybody…

Big Cheese: I hate this time of year. It’s too happy! (Starts fuming)

Jerry Atrick: Take it easy cheesy (huh, how’d the writers came up with that one) just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean everyone else can’t enjoy it.

Cheese: Yes it does! YES IT DOES!! (Throws a temper tantrum and turns into a baby)

Jerry: (Thinking) Oh brother, I hate it when he does this, with an attitude like that he’ll never be emperor)

Cheese: I HEARD THAT!! (Hits him upside the head with a large book) How did I know my parents wouldn’t give me anything for Christmas! If I can’t enjoy the holiday season, then NO ONE CAN! Hmm, how to do that… (He thinks for a while. A light bulb appears and lights up but immediately flickers out) Humph. I need to talk to the producers about getting better quality light bulbs. I’ll send a giant robot to Mt. Coochi and cause a giant avalanche that will destroy the city! (Grabs Jerry) Let’s get started right away!

Jerry: WHOA!

Narrator: Looks like the Big Cheese is up to his old tricks again. Meanwhile a new face appears at the Pizza Cat.

Jack Slugger: I’m not new! I’ve been here for a good few months! The writers just haven’t given me any lines until this episode. You must be the new narrator. I’m Jack Slugger©.

Narrator: Pleasure to meet you Jack.


Jack: I’m talking to the narrator Fran.

Francine: Oh well ask him if he wants anything.

Jack: You heard the woman.

Narrator: Sorry I’m not hungry. I just had a big breakfast.

Francine: Hey Jack, I need you to deliver this pizza to the palace. It’s for Big Al Dente.

Jack: All over it (exits with pizza).

Narrator: meanwhile…

Cheese: Alright, the giant robot is finished! Now to put an end to Little Tokyo!

Jerry: But Cheesy, if you destroy Little Tokyo, how can you become Emperor?

Cheese: (with confused look on his face) I don’t know maybe we’ll take care of that after the snow melts. Send out the robot!

Narrator: Oh no! This could be the end of Little Tokyo! (Now how many times have I said THAT before…?)

(Videophone alarm. Big Al appears on the screen)

Francine: What is it Big Al?

Big Al Dente: It seems the Big Cheese is full of bad Christmas memories and has sent out a robot to cause an avalanche that could destroy the entire town. It’s stomping toward Mt. Coochi as we speak so get on it. I don’t see why he couldn’t just get a therapist about that though.

Francine: You got it Al, oh and did you get your pizza?

Big Al: Yes I did and thanks. (Screen shuts off)

Jack: Hey Fran, what’s up?

Francine: Looks like the Big Cheese is at it again

Speedy (joined by Polly and Guido): Well let’s go deck his halls then! (Writer’s note: You seriously didn’t think I was going to go an entire Christmas episode without some reference to a Christmas carol now, would you?)

(SPC jump into ovens. Jack jumps into a fourth oven that is linked to a separate cannon manned by his friend Rick “Slam” Duncan)

Francine (over loudspeaker): “Stand behind the white line and merry Christmas to all, the cats are about to go deck Big Cheese’s halls! So before I launch them and give you a fright, Merry Christmas to all, and here’s to a good fight!” (Three puffs of smoke come from the cannon)

Rick (over loudspeaker): Hey everybody, continue to stand back, because I, Rick Duncan am launching my good friend Jack! (To self) Vaya con Dios bud!

Narrator: and with that a fourth puff of smoke can be seen and its Jack Slugger who appears just behind the Pizza Cats in their flight toward Mt Coochi.

Guido (to Speedy): So you think we won’t crash this time?

Polly (with dour look and sweat drop from her face): not likely…

All three: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  



Narrator: The Pizza Cats land on Mt Coochi. They are soon followed by Jack Slugger, who does a front handspring before landing on his feet.

Speedy: Humph, show off.

Narrator: No sooner had the Pizza Cats gotten up; they saw Jerry Atrick and a host of ninja crows.

Jerry: Those cats won’t stop us now!!

Mysterious voice that sounds like Speedy: You’d think that, wouldn’t you?

Jerry: What… who said that? 

Speedy: Man, as many episodes as we’ve done, you still never see us coming. Hey guys, intro time!

Guido (intro looks just like the show): Have a holly jolly Christmas… right before we cream you

Polly (intro just like the show): We’d think this time of year you would spread a little… (Blows kiss) joy to the world!

Speedy (just like the show): And we’ll make sure to rock YOU around the Christmas tree, because we’re…


Jack: And don’t forget their recruit in training, Jack Slugger!

Jerry: I don’t care if you’re Santa Claus himself! NINJA CROWS ATTACK!!! (A typical fight between the SPC and the crows ensues. Even Jack gets in on the action, nailing a few crows with basebombs and hitting a bunch more with his Dizzy Bat Cyclone) Ok, that was just the decorations. Now to top the Christmas tree! Say hello to the robot that will be your doom! (Evil laughter)

Narrator: As Jerry Atrick flies off to tell Big Cheese of his success, the Pizza Cats race up to confront the robot before he sets off the giant avalanche.

Speedy: Hey, tall metal and ugly! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size! (All four attack the robot. A long fight sequence ensues until the Cats get the upper hand) Hey Jack, would you do the honors?

Jack: WOULD I?!

Narrator: Well folks now you get to see a little something new.

Jack: Hey robot I got a little poem for ya: 

Merry Christmas from the SPC

We’re fighters through and through

And since we all care so much

Here’s a gift to you. 

GRAND SLAM DYNAMITE! (The basebomb hits the robot and he explodes into a million pieces) 

(Shift back to the palace)


Jerry: Hey Cheesy, Merry Christmas. (Hands him a box)

Cheese: What… (Opens box and pulls out a brand new kimono) OH JERRY IT’S SO WONDERFUL!!! (Cries)

Narrator: The next night at the staff Christmas party

Polly: Oh Dash! I love this new frying pan!

Guido: Wow! 1001 Pickup lines that will win a woman’s heart! Thanks man.

Speedy: Wow! Cooking for Idiots! Thanks Da…HEY! (Dash laughs and gives him his real present) Wow! A new sheath for my sword! Thanks bud!

Dash: I had Guru Lou make it especially for you!

Jack: A new baseball glove! You rock man! (Runs and shows it to his friends)

Narrator: HEY! Why didn’t you get me anything?

Dash: What do you get for a disembodied voice? (Everybody laughs)

Narrator: (laughs too): I’m kidding thanks for the hat, scarf and gloves man!

Dash: No problem!

Narrator: And so another fine episode of the Samurai Pizza Cats comes to a… Wait a minute. Hey Dash. What about your grandmother?

Dash: That’s for me to know and you to find out. (Winks) 

(Fade out)

Jack Slugger Copyright ApacheMan2K 2003, all rights reserved.